The Case of the Curious Cat and the Wolf: The Cost of Curiosity and Overcoming a Toxic Relationship

T.C.S.

Aug 9

7 min read

"Curiosity killed the cat."

That phrase has been coming to mind as I think about yesterday.

Yesterday, I did something unwise. If you knew me well, "unwise" is a word you would rarely hear associated with my name. But I have my moments. Especially when curiosity—or a strange "pull"—overpowers the wisdom and knowledge I possess.

Leaving My Heart on the Page

An illustration done in a watercolor style, featuring a woman in an all-white casual outfit with a radiant aura. She is walking forward barefoot, with her gaze toward the viewer, through a wide-open doorway.

The open doorway reveals a vibrant, green landscape filled with sunflowers and purple wildflowers leading toward a scenic range of mountains under a glowing, bright sky. This central light source illuminates the scene.

On either side of the open doorway are two contrasts. To the left is a pitch-black wall or environment, devoid of light. To the right is a wall featuring a silhouetted man in a business suit walking away, with his back to the viewer, against a backdrop of dark, brooding clouds, wind, and rain, symbolizing a separate, darker reality.

The overall composition contrasts light and hope in the center with darkness and struggle on the margins.

The main reason I’ve had a hard time getting this blog off the ground is that my life has been a non-stop roller coaster. Navigating those events made me stronger, wiser, and sharper—a benefit to my readers, I hope. But my heart wasn't fully ready to share the parts God wanted me to share in the way he would prefer.

As I write this, I am choosing to leave my heart on the page. Whatever happens, happens.

2023: The Trap from the Pits of Hell

To understand what happened yesterday, we have to rewind to 2023.

While in Texas, I realized I was a lukewarm Christian, and I didn’t want God to spit me out (Revelation 3:16). So, I repented. I had gotten myself into a relationship that turned out to be a trap from the pits of hell.

Looking back in the rearview mirror, the spiritual traps are crystal clear—though they were far from clear while I was living through them. Despite the overwhelming manipulation and lies, I choose to take responsibility for my choices. I entered and briefly remained in a relationship where I was treated like an object.

It wasn't as simple as I am making it sound; I was outwitted. The hand I thought I held wasn't even type for the game that was being played on me.

"Wolf Raised by Wolves"

Demons were involved (Ephesians 6:12), and by the summer of 2023, God was ready to let me reap the consequences of not making him Lord of my life. Death was the judgment they had prepared for me. But I repented and begged God to let me go back home and serve Him.

Because of those prayers, the Lord set me free (Psalm 107:13-14). He separated us in such a way that the person I was with could never return.

For the sake of having a mandate to share a lot of spiritual revelation around this relationship, I will assign the person in question the name Orlando. I won't call him "my ex" or anything else of the sort—it was a relationship that should have never happened in the first place.

His background: I met Orlando in church. He was an aspiring preacher saved by grace in a prison cell. At a young age, he was the only white member in an all-black gang, and his father is the president of a 1% motorcycle gang (featured on Gangland). Which meant nothing to me until 2025, when an ex-biker in ministry school explained to me that 1% isn't the name of the gang but their activities.
The facade: I didn't meet Orlando, the "wolf raised by wolves." I met Orlando, the sheep. Only when it was all over did I realize he was still a wolf that failed to transform into a sheep (Matthew 7:15).

A Quick Note on Christian Lingo:

Followers of Jesus are called sheep (John 10:27, Psalm 23:1) — not because they are weak or feeble, but because they trust their Shepherd (God) wholeheartedly. A wolf is a predator that devours sheep (Acts 20:29). My church is often called a "hospital" where people come at different stages of healing and woundedness. Some are in the process of transforming from a wolf into a sheep; others stop trying. In some cases, some sheep transform into wolves. Orlando’s testimony was literally: "I was a wolf raised by wolves."

The Trauma and the Scars

It took time to heal—not from heartbreak, but from pure trauma. I did ask God to accelerate my healing, which he granted. However, no one could ever dream up what I went through. Orlando may tell you he loved me, but his actions spoke louder than his words. He was unknowingly doing the enemy's bidding, which was to kill, steal, and destroy everything about me (John 10:10).

Before we separated, he made it clear he would hunt me down if I went missing, and stated he was willing to kill me under specific circumstances. He never walked that back, no matter how many chances I gave him. For the record, Orlando never physically abused me—something he often reminded me of—but the psychological and spiritual abuse left deep marks.

Thanks to Jesus, those invisible scars are healed completely, so much so that you could never tell I was wounded (1 Peter 2:24, Psalm 147:3).

Yesterday: Poking the Wolf

A few weeks ago, three different people reported to me that Orlando wasn't doing well. One mentioned that Orlando asked about me. In which that person told Orlando to leave me alone. That person told me Orlando has pride issues which was of no surprise to me. The part that was surprising is that he was still trying to keep tabs on me.

Being on the mind of a wolf is not comforting. Yet, I wanted to see where he was mentally. His social media is easy for me to read because I understand his personas.

So, I logged onto Instagram—using a profile with my actual picture—and clicked on his 24-hour Story.

It was an image of a mouse being fed to a snake, with captions indicating this is what happens to "rats."

Because of my curiosity, my name was instantly added to his viewer list. I put myself right back in his line of vision.

When God separated us in 2023, I went back on the path I should have been on. Although it appeared that Orlando was following the path he should have been on, I could see his patterns clearly. He kept running from one leadership position to another as he could not stay anywhere for long periods of time or truly become a sheep. Which is fine; at that point it was not my business or concern. God made it clear he was never my husband by then. However, I felt at peace that Orlando was trying to stay connected to Godly things even if he was failing. Why? There are some dark things inside of Orlando which God allowed me to see. Those dark things are more than capable of getting Orlando to fulfill his statements of tracking me down. I am not hiding, by the way. He knows how to find me if he wants. I believe that is the power of my testimony: that when God does something, it is well done. I can resume my life and be completely protected.

By no means am I telling abused people it is okay to be accessible to abusive people. Many people have lost their lives being negligent in that way.

The calling on my life requires me to survive. As long as I follow that path, I will be under the protection of the Almighty (God). No weapons that form against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17), and weapons more dangerous than Orlando had been formed against me, which did not succeed. Seeing and living out God's protections from the weapons that came my way gives me a lot of confidence. Which leads me to what happened yesterday.

A watercolor-style illustration of a woman in simple clothes and a glowing halo, standing at a crossroads. Behind her on the left is a path through a desert with dead trees, and on the right is a path through dark mountains with a shadowy male figure in the distance. Both paths merge into a central trail bordered by fields of wildflowers under a two-sun sunrise.

Spoiler Alert...

I don’t know if this is a supernatural trend with Orlando or just some tech thing I am not aware of, but when I looked at his profile, the pictures I saw yesterday were not there weeks ago.

Oh yeah… sorry, spoiler alert. I felt the urge to look at his profile again. I resisted at first because I felt it was the enemy trying to get me to open back some invisible door

to Orlando. Unfortunately, the curiosity outweighed my intuition. What I saw yesterday… brought fear back. I saw someone struggling between holding on to his old life and serving God. This was the struggle Orlando had had since I have known him. Then I saw where he just stopped fighting. He now has pictures depicting himself in a 1 percenter motorcycle jacket with the name of the club being "Vampire". That name is so befitting in so many ways of how he has conducted himself. The worst part is that rather than being a distant memory that he will think about time and time again, I put myself in the line of his vision.

What God Rescued Me From

It took me a while to truly understand what God rescued me from when he made the way for me to part from Orlando. This year, I looked up his old gang’s name for the first time and figured out what some of his tattoos meant. God sparing my life was, is, and will be an understatement forever.

After fear tried to take hold of me, I prayed and refused to give it a place in my life (2 Timothy 1:7). A close friend called me out for opening that invisible door, which made me realize I needed to rewrite this post.

Originally, I intended to write a simple warning: When God sets you free from toxic people, don't look back (Luke 9:62, Genesis 19:26).

But the truth is deeper. Wanting to check on the mindset of someone who abused you is an alluring temptation. You hope to see something that might make you feel better. Maybe they’ve moved on or kept a moral compass. But what if that’s not what you find? Even if it is what you found, it doesn't mean they have completely stopped plotting for you.

Does that change how God has protected you (Isaiah 54:17, Psalm 91:1-4)?
Does it mean you should be reckless and poke the wolf?

Of course not.

Closing the Chapter

An illustrative watercolor painting of a woman with short, curly dark hair wearing a cream shirt and light tan pants. She stands barefoot on a single path in the center of a symmetrical landscape, bordered by fields of purple flowers and sunflowers. Her gaze is fixed forward. A faint, glowing halo encircles her head, and her bare feet leave glowing golden footprints on the trail behind her.

On the left side, the winding path originates from a barren, arid landscape of cracked earth, dry mountains, and dead trees, stretching toward a distant, setting sun.

On the right side, the path originates from a shadowy, blue-tinted landscape of dark mountains and withered trees, where a figure of a man in a business suit stands with his back to the viewer, under a matching dark, setting sun. The single sun at the center horizon is bright, suggesting the paths merge toward a central, hopeful destination. The sky transitions from a warm golden-peach color to a cool, light blue.

Right now, my life is about to take off in new ways. My past—and many people from it—will not be coming along for the ride (Isaiah 43:18-19). So, I won't be looking or walking backwards anymore.

God currently has me writing a book about this experience and others. But in the end, it will just be that: a book. A story about a period in my life to which I am no longer attached.

I will continue to pray for my safety, trusting completely that as long as I stay in God's will, He will protect me (1 John 5:14).

Final Thoughts

This is my first real post for this blog. I pray that curiosity doesn't kill this cat, and I pray that whoever reads this finds peace and clarity in the Lord (Philippians 4:7).

I’d love to hear your thoughts—feel free to share your heart respectfully in the comment section below.